College Relationships

Even though I'm not graduating, a lot of my friends are. It's crazy that we're already getting to the end. The end of the good times and the childhoods being wrapped up. We're adults now or at least trying to be. What makes me sad about my friends graduating is that I know that this will be like high school. Everyone was friends "for life" and still, we graduated, went to college and now I can pass people I went to high school with in the halls and we don't even glance at each other. I know that college has been different. I've been through the most difficult times in my life with these people. They are my FAMILY. Yet I know that when they toss their graduations caps in the air, and I'm watching something I was suppose to be a part of, everything is going to change. Even with Brennen. He's going to be at his big job all the time now. We won't have school or working at the rec center in common anymore. What's completely devastating about time is that you can never go backwards. Ever. Time is a linear thing with only one direction. 
Matthew turns 30 today, only proving that time is something that does not stop and memories become old, tattered, and faded. This is quite the depressing post but that's how I feel about change. And to be quite honest, I'm devastated to be losing this part of my  life. This little segment, this little piece is slowly just becoming another memory instead of the here and now.
So to all my friends that I haven't said this to because it's far too sad and I love you all far too much: I will miss you. You are a big part of my family in life and will forever be my Boulder Family. I will miss you like you wouldn't believe. I can't believe this has come to an end. I know that we'll only keep in touch through facebook and we're about to start our lives and are going to branch out in so many different directions, but don't forget the people that held your hair as you puked, that held your hand or gave you a hug when everything was falling apart, the people who took your clicker, the people who you called at 3 am to just hang out, the people who threw those awesome Hill parties, and the people that when you were actually growing up into an adult, grew up with you. I love you and I am so sorry to see our time has ended. With deepest love and deepest gratitude, Becca.

Finals are just around the corner...for me, literally. Finals are suppose to be next week but of course, my teachers have given me two this week: one tomorrow and one on Friday.  I'm not entirely sure how to study for the one tomorrow which is why I can be found here. Besides the fact that I'm not sure how or what to study for this exam, I've also been up since 3 am and my energy is wearing thin. My energy, patience, and brain are on the fritz. I can't do this much longer so it's a good time for finals. I feel sick to my stomach and completely lost.
There's something about this stress that is different then normal. My stomach hurts so bad and my focus is just everywhere else. I feel like I've given all that I have to give and that I'm trying to contribute more but I just can't find it within my soul to do so. I really need to do well on these finals. They will be the deciding factors between A's and B's and yet, I still have no more tricks up my sleeve and I have absolutely nothing left to give. Nothing. The bucket keeps going in to the well and there is no water. It makes no sense but it's a matter of getting the grades or not. This is rambling nonsense and I recognize the fact that my brain is just dumping out the excess. This is my last attempt at anything.

I just want to sleep.

From now on

I am apologize now if this blog doesn't turn out what you expect it to be. From here on out, my blog is for me. I am not writing to help anyone out with anything. I don't have great tips on how to be a mom and I don't have giveaways where you win great things. This is going to be put into something simple because I've found that when I build this blog up to be something others expect it to be, I don't blog at all because the pressure to make something as great as the other blogs I see out there is too great. If you want to continue reading my virtual diary, I am going to disclose some things so that there is no confusion and so that there is full disclosure.

I am a Christian but I am not perfect. I believe that my relationship with God is a personal one and if other people chose to judge me, they are sinning just as much as they are accusing me to be because they only one who can judge me is Him.

A part of those imperfections is that I drink with my friends, I swear when I'm angry, and I don't always act like the good little Christian girl.

I have a boyfriend and friends. I go to CU in Colorado. I am terrified of the future and I am a senior about to embark on the scariest transition of my life.

This will be the last time I address anyone in a post. (I will respond to comments and other forms of communication.) From now on, this is going to be my virtual diary and my space to be. Support is great and I love followers, I follow a lot of you myself but I need a space that is pressure free and doesn't feel like an assignment. So that's what this is going to be.

Work Out Playlist

I try to work out 5 days a week to Jillian Michaels' 3 month plan

Well, I have found that I am more motivated by music then I am by Jillian Michaels

I like Jillian Michaels but in her videos, she talks to the other people working out far too much for me to stay focused.

My solution: I put the tv on mute and I blast my own work out mix

I have been asked several times to send the mix to my friends or to make them one or whatever

SO

I thought I would share with you here 

I must warn you though: I do like these songs but these group of songs isn't my entire taste in music. Therefore, if you'd like to comment on how I only like this or that, remember that this is a work out mix.

Without further ado:

ONE: Trizzy Turnt Up by A-Trak

TWO: Feel So Close by Calvin Harris

THREE: Some Chords by Sam Adams

FOUR: Joleen by Robotic Pirate Monkey

FIVE: Daddy's Money by OnCue

SIX: Nothin for Nothin by Savoy

SEVEN: Flower by Moby

EIGHT: October by Broken Bells

NINE: Get That Ouh by Juan Magan

TEN: Like I Love You by R.I.O

ELEVEN: Levels by Avicii

TWELVE: Hangover by Taio Cruz

THIRTEEN: Turn This Club Around by R.I.O

FOURTEEN: Fade Into Darkness by Avicii

FIFTEEN: Houdini by Foster the People

SIXTEEN: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye

SEVENTEEN: Good Feeling by Flo Rida

EIGHTEEN: Move Like Jagger by Maroon 5

NINETEEN: This is How It Goes Down by Pink

TWENTY: Pumpkin Soup by Kate Nash

A few tips for making your own playlist:  

Chose music that really pumps you up. 

Be familiar with the work out you're going to do so that you can match the beat with the rhythm of your movements

Put it on shuffle. It keeps the playlist fresh for each work out

For your enjoyment this lovely Friday